Updated: Apr 29

The saying “you become what you see”,comes from an ordeal of observations throughout the lives of human beings.

So many of us have grown up in a home where our parents/ caregivers did the best that they could for us but also so many of us have grown up in the shadow of all the hurt that they’ve experienced. It’s the small things that happen like: not being able to articulate your feelings as an adult because, growing up, children can’t have an opinion, children can’t truly say how they feel. It’s being smacked by a parent because you did something naughty, and them later saying they only hit you because they wanted to protect you that when you become an adult, you either see physical abuse as protection from the one you love, or you’re physically abusing someone because you want to prove to them that you love them and are protecting them. It’s the very small things that we think we will never go back to.

Adverse childhood experiences or childhood trauma can have a lasting impact on how your

body reacts to stress. This can affect your social emotional and physical development.

When humans are in a crisis, the brain releases a hormone called cortisol which causes our hearts to race and muscles to become tense, our bodies remember.

And so when we are stressed as adults our body memory comes back and all those feelings and actions we saw or felt as kids come back, and you find yourself having similar coping mechanisms to an adult who drank, retaliating the same way to other people as your parents retaliated to you when they were angry. It’s not your fault though, it’s that our realities are conditioned by what we saw and experienced as kids, and for us to heal (not let go, because we can never really let go of those important developmental years) we need to start identifying how we behave when we are in a chaotic situation. How we treat others, how we treat ourselves, how we speak about ourselves.

"You are holy .You are righteous .You are one of the redeemed .Set apart a brand new heart , you are free indeed ."

What if you were told that you always talk down on yourself because growing up you’ve never heard it coming from someone that meant the world to you? What if you were told that you get into relationships with people who show so many red flags, and make toxic relationships seem okay because growing up, the only time you got to bond with your parents was when a traumatic situation was experienced. What if you were told that the reason you don’t resonate with the idea of “easy love”, is because growing up everyone around you told you how hard marriage is, and how we as women need to suffer for bare minimum affection or intimacy. And that is why when a genuinely good person comes along to want to show us love, we doubt it because it’s easy and because it’s soft.

The truth to the saying, "no pain, no gain" is that as much as we try to avoid feeling pain, the reality is that there will be no gain without it. Let us learn to turn our wounds into wisdom. When you go through something, you gain the voice to help the next person who might go through the same thing you went through, but you have to allow yourself to heal first. Let's make it our responsibility to heal, it is okay not to be okay. It is important that we take care of ourselves because no one else will. Be the voice.


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